I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the difference between being nice and being kind, especially in business, leadership, and the way we support each other.
They’re often treated as the same thing.
They’re not.
Here’s why 👇
There’s a difference between being nice and being kind.
Nice says: “That’s great.” “It’s fine.” Smiles. Nods. Moves on.
Add Your Heading Text Here
Kind says: “Can I give you something honest?” “Brace yourself a bit…” “This might sting for a second..😍
I was told a story about someone who delivered a presentation to about 15 people. Part-way through, she popped to the loo, glanced in the mirror… and realised she had something quite obviously off about her appearance. I won’t say what it was, but think scarlet lipstick on your teeth, jumper on inside out, twig sticking out of your hair..! Not a small thing, by any means.
And her first thought wasn’t embarrassment.
It was: Why did nobody tell me? 🤔
Fifteen people. Not one person said, “Hey – just so you know…”
And the feeling of anger bubbled.
We think it’s “nice” not to say anything. We tell ourselves we’re avoiding awkwardness, we don’t want to embarrass them.
But actually, that’s not kind.
Kind is the quiet aside. The gentle nudge. The small moment of discomfort that saves someone from a bigger one later.
In my work, I might say to a client:
“Right. I’m going to say something and I want you to hear the intent behind it.”
Or: “Brace yourself.” Or: “I’m saying this without sugar on top..”
Not because I’m being harsh. Not because I want to knock their confidence, or be unkind.
But because I can see something they can’t. 🤩
A bottleneck. A habit. A story they’re telling themselves. A system that’s quietly draining them. An offer that isn’t as clear as they think it is. An email that doesn’t quite land. A pattern of over-delivering and under-charging.
Nice would be: “This looks good.” “It’s fine.”
Kind is: “This isn’t working the way you think it is.” “You’re making this harder than it needs to be.” “You’re hiding.” “You’re overcomplicating it.” “You’re the bottleneck.”
And I’ll always, always deliver it gently. With context. With respect. With care. 😍
But I won’t avoid it.
Because if I don’t tell you there’s metaphorical spinach in your teeth, I’m not protecting you. I’m leaving you to walk back into the room unaware.
And that’s not support. That’s avoidance.
The clients who grow the fastest don’t want “nice.”
They want: clarity, truth, perspective.
Someone who can see the gaps and say so. Someone who cares enough to risk a moment of discomfort.
Kind doesn’t mean blunt. Kind doesn’t mean brutal. Kind doesn’t mean ego-driven.
Kind means: I want the best for you. I believe you can handle this. And I care too much to let you stay stuck.
There’s a huge difference between being liked and being useful.
I choose useful.
Every time.
Have I ever come to you with a kind sentiment?
The truth is, real support isn’t always comfortable, but it is transformative.
If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling clearer, steadier, or a little called-out in a way that actually helped you move forward… that’s kindness doing its job.
And if you’re someone who values honesty, clarity, and growth over surface-level “nice”, we’ll probably get on very well.
Have you ever wished someone had been kinder instead of nicer?
